When your computer is giving you trouble, freezes up or starts moving slower than a slug all you have to do is power it off for a second and REBOOT!  When our plumbing is clogged, the fridge is on overdrive or our car breaks down we can call the right person, have them fix it and it is new again.

THIS MONTHS QUESTION?  What do you do when your life is the thing that needs rebooting?

Sometimes we are just going along in life and don’t even realize something is wrong until we notice we have been wearing the same socks for three days and we’re knee deep in a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, booze bottles or Kleenex ( whichever is your personal poison). Then we realize we’re in the place Dr. Seuss calls in his book  Oh, the places you’ll go! “The waiting Place” you know when,”bang up and hang ups can happen to you.  You can get all hung up in a prickly perch and your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a lurch. You’ll come down from the lurch with an unpleasant bump and chances are, then, that you’ll be in a slump”.

SO how do we UN-SLUMP? I wish I could tell you that you were really born with a magic reboot button that is in your left elbow.  Sorry but you caught me on a day where I am living in reality.  So you can play around with that elbow of yours or you can apply some of these steps.  The KEY to getting out of any rut is movement!

1) First step is to recognize you are in fact in a lurch.  You can not really move forward until you do.

2) Choose responsibility over guilt and anger.  You could be mad at yourself that instead of running 5 miles you ate an entire pie while watching really bad reality TV and then feel guilty and shameful. ( Yep that will feel real good inside ) Or you could forgive yourself and accept that you are responsible for how you have been spending your time and being in that place will serve you no greater purpose.

3) Ask yourself Why? What happened that led you into the abyss in the first place? You may not want to hear this however, there is always a life lesson behind the slump syndrome.  Maybe you’re confused on which path to take, have not let go of a past relationship, or are scared about an upcoming event.  As Dr. Suess says ” I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too.  Games you can’t win cause you’ll play against you”.  You are in this waiting place for a reason and You MUST find the why and face it or you will end up back in the waiting place facing it all over again.

4) Focus on what you do want, not on what you would like not to happen. Thinking of what you don’t want to happen and picturing that outcome bought you a direct ticket to slump town.  So instead put your energy and imagination to work by focusing on what you do want.  The moment you start to feel blue, confused or any kind of lurchiness at all, you know your mind is not where it should be.  STOP IT!  Focus on the thoughts and goals that make your skin tingle with passion, the ones that make you want to break out and do the Carlton Dance.

 At this point you acknowledged that lurch is not just the butler from the Addams family but a state of mind you may find yourself in.  Now you have taken responsibility for your actions, discovered what led you to lurchville in the first place and started to focus on what you do want.  It is time to bring that all together by coming up with the Now What?

5) Create a Strategy.  
You want to eliminate any behaviors or thoughts that slumped you in the first place.  So if you were trying to do too much before, not asking for support, or not following your heart (whatever it is) you don’t want this to be apart of your new strategy because, it did not work!  Make a list of things that you want, things that will make you feel better and people you can talk to.  Start with one action step toward your goal and then keep adding a new one each week.  There is no need for speed.  There is a need to stay aware and make sure all your actions are leading you further up the mountain side.

In Dr. Seuss’ words ” So …be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray you’re off to great places! Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!

How many times a day to you find yourself saying “Do you believe what she did”, “I can not believe he said that”, “Is she really raising her kids like that”? “Do they even know how much they hurt me”, “ If they would change, things would be so much better”. Hours ranting on facebook about other people instead of having a rational conversation with them. Or how about “ It’s the companies fault”, “It is the government”, “It is this neighborhood”. Complain, Complain, Complain!

This Month’s Question: Do you ever give yourself the finger?

That’s right put it up and turn it around and point it at yourself. We spend so much wasted time and energy complaining about the injustices of life and how others affect our life, and spend so little time doing something toward those injustices and working on our selves.

Somewhere along the line you came up with these ideals of how people should be according to you.  You created these walls of expectations and this mindset of “I am right and you are wrong.” How the bigger people with bigger money need to take care of the bigger problems but you still get to talk about the crappy job they are doing without participating.

I am curious to know, did you ever stop and think about what people are saying about you? Yes, you!

How are you treating people these days? Do you follow through on your word to your family, friends, the world? Have you reached out to someone lately to tell them what they mean to you? Did you give a 100% of yourself to your work day or your family? How has your driving been lately? Have you stopped to be grateful or pray for someone? Have you been respectful and an active listener to those around you? Have you signed a petition for an environment rights act or dropped off canned goods for the homeless lately?

This is where your focus should lie. Not hurting the ears of the world around you with your negativity and complaints but to focus on yourself and what you can do to Be Better, to Attract Better and to Be Deserving of the things you want. The outside life you build or surrounded yourself with is not responsible for your happiness, that is all on you.

Brianna Wiest says “The world will only change as changes in individual levels of consciousness occur”. “You are responsible for something, and you are responsible for yourself. You may not be guilty in the way you see others being guilty, but until you are actively working toward being a living representation of the ideals you wish to see in others, you can’t throw rocks: we’re all in glass houses at the end of the day”.

THIS MONTHS TIP: (As nicely as I can put it) Do yourself and the world a favor and shut up! Complain and judge less and look inward and change yourself more!

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

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This Months Question:  Have you ever felt that you lost control of parts of your life, or that it is almost as if you are living with two different people inside you? Like in the movies when the actor is trying to make a choice and they have the devil on the one side and the angel on the other trying to influence their decision.

So when we are trying to change things in our lives like: our diet, our daily routines, our work ethic, our stress level and yet we fail over and over again; this is when the battle of the habit monster begins.

Example:  You set your date to start your goal and you feel super strong in your mind.  You are full of will power and remembering all the reasons why today is the day to change.  Then before you know it you are sitting with a friend and ordering that burger or beer.  You speed through the day unaccomplished and have no patience once again for your kids at home.  WHAT HAPPENED?  This is when it almost feels like someone or something else completely takes over your body.  No matter how much your mind wants it, your body and instincts do something totally different.

Guess what?  Something may have taken over.  One research study (PHYS.ORG) shows that once we get something out of a habit ( like the end reward) making us feel better that our neurons in the brain fire like crazy every time we get this reward.  However, when we are in the process of getting the reward (from point A to point B) our neurons stay quit ( like AUTO PILOT).   Just like when you drive home from work.  You remember getting in your car and you notice when you pull in your drive way but you don’t remember the ride home.

So how do we stay connected with our mind and body to be fully aware of what we are doing and ultimately make better choices?

Charles Duhigg (author of “The Power of Habit) says, “the important part to remember is that, When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in the decision-making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit – unless you find new routines – the pattern will unfold automatically.”Charles Duhigg, “The Power of Habit” has a lot of good insight to offer.

SO…..

The bad news:  It takes effort on your part.

The good news:  It is possible!

What I say is: Awareness, Reward and Accountability!

Awareness:  You must be on alert when facing your habits so you don’t fall into running on autopilot.

Reward: You must create a new reward that is more desirable and stronger than the one you are receiving now.  Example: Instead of an ice cream sundae being the reward, the new reward is you fitting into your swimsuit.

Accountability: You must find a partner.  Mostly everyone has trouble changing when there is no one watching, no one to check up on them.  Find a gym partner, someone you have to turn in exactly what you ate that day, get a work buddy, get a sticker chart not just for your kids’ behavior, but one for you too showing them that big people need to work on themselves too.

Embarrassed of your habit so you don’t want to ask anyone to partner?  Go on you tube or google and put in your habit and look how many hits it got. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

This Month’s TIP:  Don’t think how hard it is to admit that the habit monster got the best of you, instead think of how great you will FEEL when you take back control of your life.

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Have you ever blanked out on hours of your day?  Or woke up on Monday and all of a sudden it is Friday?  Have you gone to church and sat, kneeled and prayed without remembering? Have you had an entire conversation with someone and not remembered what you just talked about or drove home and don’t know how you got there?

THIS MONTHS QUESTION:  How much are you on auto pilot and are you ok with it?

It seems to me that these days we are so compiled with duties and “to do” lists that we only wake up for the real exciting moments.  That somewhere along the way we started to only wake up for moments that bring us extreme highs;  like, getting the job, making more money, special holidays, your kid’s firsts, the day of the wedding, the beginning of new love.

But what happened to 1:30pm in the middle of your work day?  What happened to the day after the wedding, to the day before the fourth of July BBQ, to your kids Tuesday night bedtime routine, to your relationship after the butterflies settle, to when you already had enough money? Are these times not high or exciting enough, so we check out and put on our robot pilot?

What happened to being alive all the time no matter what our circumstances are?  Are we so conditioned by the American Dream, society or TV that we are led to believe that we are only allowed to be happy when everything is “perfect”?  Will we only be really happy when we make enough money, when the kids are old enough to take care of themselves, when we move into our dream home, when we have the second car, when we retire? WHEN, WHEN, WHEN!

I feel it is sad sometimes when a lot of our “highs” come from outside sources.  That we feel we NEED things to be happy, that we NEED to keep up with the “Joneses” to have made something of ourselves, so THEN we get to be happy.

So I ask you, why are you shutting down during the in between moments?  I ask myself, what am I doing with these moments?  The REAL moments of your everyday life that include; financial challenges, changes at work, kids that won’t go to bed or relationships that are in hardship. What happened to appreciating ourselves and our current lives for what we have now and being excited just to be alive and given a chance to be here?

What about appreciating the sun on your face, the legs that you walk on, the continuous discoveries you get to make, the taste of warm bread, the moment you breathe instead of yelling at your child, the love you get from all around you.  The mistakes you get to make and the lesson’s you get to share.

Don’t waste your time on autopilot.  “They” don’t decide what makes your life successful and happy, YOU DO!

You never hear of the person coming back from a near death experience saying, I really regret not working more, or I am so happy that I got to be rich.  They always say the same thing, I wish I would have told so and so I loved them more, I am so happy that I  get more time to be with the one’s I love.

I am NOT saying don’t go for your dreams and if you want to be rich then go for it.  What I AM saying is don’t just live for the end results, LIVE in everything!

THIS MONTHS TIP:

Don’t say…

WHEN I get the job, I will HAVE more money, THEN I will be happy.

Instead say…

WHEN I am Happy, I will HAVE more__________, THEN I will get_______.

THIS MONTH:  When it is 1:30 in the middle of your day, check inward.  Find the happiness there.

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I know we are always being told “slow down and live in the moment”, “seize the day”, Carpe Diem”!  Well, I am here to tell you to STOP!  Now I do believe in enjoying the present moment when you are cuddling with your child, feeling the wind in your hair as you’re sailing down an open sea or celebrating a new accomplishment. What I am talking about is; if you have not met a desired goal because you have in fact been living in the moment way too much, then start living for the future.

This Months Question: Is your Carpe Diem holding you back?

Do you feel bad about the way you look and have been trying to lose the weight for a year or more, do you need to finish that work or school project?  Have you been feeling tired and sluggish because of unhealthy habits? Do you have some goal that you have been working on for a very long time with no success?

What do I do? Drop that cupcake, say no to going out with friends, hide the remote and get real.

Why?  In order to succeeded at our desired goals we simply need to stop living in the moment with the very thing that is holding us back.

How? Change your thoughts!

Example: If you are out to dinner  and you are currently overweight and want to lose weight, when it comes time for dessert, you or someone else says ” You only live once, why not” NO! If you go out to dinner once or more a week, how many desserts are now living in you?

INSTEAD:

You say ” Yes, I do only live once and I want to feel good and proud of myself, so “I will have the fruit cup” or just stay home and cook.

Example:  You tend to go out most Friday nights.  You have a big project due on Monday morning that could lead you to a promotion and your friends call you again to go dancing, you say ” well it is Friday night”. No! You know going out will lead to you sleep in most weekends.

INSTEAD:

You say “Yes, I would love to go out with you guys, how is next Friday? I am staying in tonight.”  You will know that there will be a dozen more times to go out with friends, but only one opportunity to get that promotion.

When? You apply this method when you know that it is not about feeling good and appreciating life, that you’re stuffing your face with cupcakes, going out, watching too much tv, or….that in reality you are actually justifying these actions to avoid doing the very thing that you need the most.

Now What? 

1)Ask yourself what is more important:

The taste of the icing hitting your tongue, or the feel of those skinny jeans around your waist?  The infomercial you’re spacing out on, or the feel of the computer keys under your fingers while you’re adding to your novel.

2) Ask yourself why you are avoiding your goal:

Are you scared to fail, scared to succeed, do you feel like you will miss out on something, that you don’t know how to do it?

3) Ask yourself what resources do I need to succeed:

An accountability partner, do I have to hire help, do I need to change where I spend my time?

This Month :Make a new plan for success and say NO to the moments that will in fact hold you back from your desired success.

This Months Tip: ” DO TODAY WHAT WILL FEEL GOOD TOMORROW”!

We have all heard the statement “you have to love yourself first before you love anyone else”.  So how true is this statement?  I believe we can make the argument that you absolutely need to love yourself first because only then do you truly know what love is and how to give it to someone else.  However, couldn’t we also argue that maybe it takes being loved by someone to show us what love is and then we can apply it to ourselves.  So when it comes to love maybe it isn’t about the chicken or the egg but when it comes to giving, is it?

THIS MONTHS QUESTION:   Do we need to Give to ourselves before we Give to others?

We live in a time where we wear different hats and have more responsibilities than ever.  Due to this we tend to put a lot of people and things before ourselves like; the kids,  our spouse, housework, organizations, co-workers, parents, friends, the list can go on and on.  Many may say that giving endlessly to others before yourself is a “part of being self-less”, the “spiritual thing to do”, “what one should do”.  I  believe it can be a generous thing to do and I also believe that there is a time to say no.  Especially now more than ever because we seem to be surrounded by a lot of overwhelmed and anxious people.  Every time I turn around I hear ” I have so much on my plate”,  “I’m so overwhelmed”, “I feel anxious”.  I understand it is good to give, but did we forget that we are also here to receive and to enjoy life?

So how can we stop feeling so overwhelmed?

Well does your car drive better when it is on empty or has a full tank of gas?  The same goes for you.  If you are running on empty because you are saying yes to everyone all day long, at the end of the day you are just burnt out and overwhelmed by having to do it all over again tomorrow.  However, if you made sure each day you carved out some time just for you, like to get a good night sleep,  to work out, to take a bubble bath, to  wake up a little early to have coffee alone.  Whatever it is, when you fill you tank up first you have the energy to get through your day, time to say yes to a few and still feel good and relaxed at the end of your day.

THIS MONTH:  Say No to Others and Yes to yourself!  Now I am not saying ignore your crying baby but I am saying you don’t have to make that extra dessert for your kid’s school party or run the entire work project yourself.   So don’t feel guilty delegating and saying no.  Indulge in some extra QT time with yourself because you deserve it and others will benefit from it as well!

TIP: Keep a planner.  When you write your schedule out you can get a visual of what your day looks like, it keeps you focused and less overwhelmed.

Fill in :

1)  Daily Duties  (school, work, doctor apt.)

2) ME TIME

3) Give Time

THIS MONTH: FILL YOUR TANK FIRST!

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QUESTION: When you find yourself drowning in the constant chatter going around in your head or feeling your emotional levels taking a downward spiral, what helps?

Beer! Greasy Food! Bad TV! Trashy magazines! Gossiping about someone else!

Yes, maybe these things have helped numb you from time to time in the past or they are your present “go to” items for moving past the pain.  However, did you ever wonder why you need them over and over again?

It is not because bad things keep happening to you, it is because you never dealt with your original problem in the first place; so it keeps resurfacing over and over again. Things like beer, TV, food and such, when used as an escape, are only covering up the issue temporarily.

It is like when a kid falls and cuts his  knees you don’t just throw the band-aid on and give it a quick fix.  For proper healing you need to clean out the dirt, maybe apply some Neosporin and then maybe after a little kiss and love, then you put on the band-aid and within days it is all better and a distant memory.

SO how do we stop covering up and start facing these issues head on?

Re-Direct your attention in a healthy way.

1) Get up and move.  When that feeling starts to surface or the mind starts racing.  Instead of getting up and heading for “fridge therapy”, get up and walk the other direction.  Sometimes just taking 5 deeps breaths or a 5 minute walk can steady your emotional levels and help you think more clearly.

2) Therapy.  Cosmo magazine is great and all, but if you  are talking deep issues you will need a little more than potty reading.  Find a therapist that works for you! Find out what works for you! Suggestions: one on one sessions, journaling even 10 minutes a day when you first get up, hire a life coach, join a women’s group, laughter yoga, etc.

3) Say it out loud. There is a reason in AA class they want people to stand up and say ” hi my name is…..and I’m an alcoholic”.  It is because they are admitting it to themselves that this is who I am and yes this is my issue.   Don’t hide behind The Real Housewives of Las Vegas or Maury Povich.  The first step is to always just say what is bothering you and own it.  Then you have the power to do something about it.

4) Accountability.  Most of us aim to act like Gizmo from the gremlins when we are out in public, all fussy and cute but when we come home and the curtains are pulled tight the white mohawk comes out and we turn into Stripe. Once we are in Stripe mode we are eager to feed our souls with instant gratification and a big side of  ” I will deal with it tomorrow”.  If you want to succeed sometimes you have to let someone else know.  It keeps you focused and held accountable.

5) Be Human.  This is not Looney Tunes that if you get hit in the head with an iron skillet you recover after some little birds fly around your head, or if you get run over and squashed, bugs bunny can just blow some air into you and you’re as good as new.  The Point is, if you keep beating yourself up, verbally, emotional, physically it will catch up to you and just keep building more and more layers.  So remember that you are only human and you need to take care of yourself.

TIP: Relax, give yourself a break, put down the magazine and chips, take a deep breath, say what is bothering you out loud and tackle ONE thing at a time and do it ONE day at a time.

BE FULL OF SELF HONESTY!

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What if you had to pay rent to your Head ; would you hang out in there less?  If you really think about it what % of your day do you spend in your body, your heart and in the moment, compared to how much time you spend in your own head? Most of us spend way too much time in our own minds thinking of everything we did do, what we have to do, what we didn’t do or what we should have done.  If your mind  could talk back it would say  WARNING …WARNING.. SYSTEM OVERLOAD, PLEASE SHUT DOWN! 

Lets not forget to mention it causes stress and anxiety. We think about the past, while we task in the present and try to plan for a future that is not even here yet.  It’s Exhausting! Now let’s think of an ice cream sundae and being too much in your mind.  We start out with a plain sundae;  just ice cream (flavor, your choice). Then add some fudge to that brainiac sundae because we are now thinking about what everyone else is thinking about themselves or about us.  Now to add some society sprinkles, we think what are we suppose to do, how to act and what to look like just to fit into a mold you heard about from reading a fashion magazine or watching the Tube in your living room.  Now lets add the cherry of irony on top, which is the fact that after all that thinking we don’t know if we will ever live to see tomorrow.

THIS WEEKS QUESTION:  Want to live more in the Moment?

Living in  the Body:

Take time through the day to take inventory of how you are “feeling”.   Do you feel good, bad, tense, relaxed?  Your body serves as your guide to let you know if you are on the right path.  When you are choosing between chips and an apple don’t ask your head, ask your body.  The more you appreciate all your body does for you the more it responses to you.  You no longer have to obsessively think about every detail of every decision because you can get in touch with your intuition and the answer will be there.

Ways of Practice:  Deep recharging breaths through the day while focusing on your body.  A few minutes a day in mediation.  Practicing Listening to your inner voice not your head voice.

Living in the Heart:

When we Free up our Minds it gives us more space to Feel with our Hearts.  There are so many amazing things to sense and feel all around us.  From the tickle of a soft breeze, to the warm electric charge of holding the hand of the one you love.  When we are with the ones we love and we are inside our head, we speed our time being absent, studying them, counting the minutes til it’s over because I still have a b and c to do today.  We lose out on all those feeling opportunities.

Ways of Practice:  Practice, Practice, Practice “BEING PRESENT” ” BE WITH” the people you are around, the trees you are looking at, the strawberry you are eating.   If you catch yourself drifting upstairs to Brain Central Station, rip up your ticket and come back to the Present.  When you are with your partner ( or anyone) don’t try to guess what they are thinking.  Instead FEEL their energy, send them waves of love. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE just feel it in you and all around you, it is way more fun.

Living in the Moment:

MOMENTS= more than one         Thinking= is more than one thought

The saying says Living in the “Moment”

Moment= one       Thought=one

What this means is, yes it is hard to get out of your head.  However, you can learn to focus on ONE thing at a time.  I am not saying don’t plan for your future.  I am saying don’t obsess about it. Goals come in steps so  pick your ONE thing you are going to do at this ONE moment and only allow your self to  think on that Alone!

Life is beautiful and not forever.  Are you going to stress your life away or Embrace the Moment?

TIP:  Practice concentrating on one task at a time.  Take time throughout the day to check in with your body and your heart.  Stay Present!

BE FULL OF LIFE!

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